Where Hath My Virtue Gone???

Oh forgive me Father for I have sinned. It's been 6 days since my last treadmill confessional, 6 DAYS FATHER oh and I have been sooo wicked on each and every one of those days.

I was filled with pride when I landed my new job and I spent hours consumed with greed thinking about how I would spend my new income. I spent many a lust-y moment having inappropriate thoughts about cake and feeling envy-ous of those who had cakes when I had none. But this absence of cakes didn't last for long Father, gluttony was my next pit-stop on the demolition derby of shame. Father, there were simply too many cheese-covered, chocolate-coated and cream-filled moments to recall. And Father it won't surprise you to hear that sloth overcame me each and every hour of the subsequent days; the only time my heart-rate was raised was in the presence of cakes... which let me tell you Father was far too often. Father, just when I thought I had committed all the evil I had in me I unleashed a can of whoop-ass wrath on my body this morning by dragging it along some evil never-ending rubber belt of doom while it was ravaged by cake-less sugar withdrawal and the cold sweat of a terrible hangover.

Oh Father what is my penance? Anything but fasting Father, ANYTHING but that... that or celibacy Father, I'll take anything but fasting or celibacy... oh and Father please remember how much I hate charitable work...

Oh Father one thing confuses me terribly - I committed all these wicked sins and yet I did not see Brad Pitt once. Oh Father the devil taunts us so cruelly.